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The original article, [미혼모기획 ②] “미혼모는 어리고 부도덕하다고?... 무슨 소리", was published in Oh My News in Nov. 22, 2010. It was translated by KUMSN and proofread by Corrisa St. Laurent, a volunteer of KUMSN. If you have any question, please contact KUMSN at kumsn@kumsn.org.
[Oh My News] Nov. 22, 2010
Are Unwed Mothers Young and Immoral? ... It’s Absurd!
[Unwed Mother Focus ②] Hyung-Sook, Choi, Manager of the External Relations Team of the Korea Unwed Mothers Family Association
Do the regrets of a crying, young mother and adoption come to mind when you hear the words “unwed mother”? There are, however, women who chose to be an unwed mother and raise their kids. The “unwed mother” issue has taken a lower priority, behind the low birth rate issue, in the National Assembly or forums. Moreover, practical support for unwed mothers is weak. The main question is ‘what do they really need?’ Let’s meet with them and hear some true stories from these amazing women.
▲On October 8th, Future Forum was held at YWCA in Seoul under the theme of “Look At Low Birth Rate from Another Perspective.” Participants from the External Relations Team of the Korea Unwed Mothers Family Association: Hyung-Sook, Choi, Lawyer Joo-Hyun Park(moderator), Kap-Soo Kim Culture Commentator, citizen reporter Young-Sook Kim of Oh My News from the left side
ⓒ Future Forum, Low Birth Rate
"I educated civil servants across our nation.”
"Our daily life as unwed mothers is being filmed for a documentary film."
This is what I heard from an unwed mother whom I met at Future Forum under the theme of low birth rate in early Oct. I had heard that some women chose to be single mothers, being pregnant without being married. And it became not surprising news that famous entertainers got pregnant before marriage, but I had never met an unwed mother who talked that confidently about it. .
A few weeks later, on Oct. 21, I met with her in a cafe in Shinchon. She is Hyung-Sook(39), Choi, a manager of the External Relations Team of the Korea Unwed Mothers Family Association. She found that she was pregnant after breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. She is raising a six-year-old boy.
Are unwed mothers young and less educated?
In my first meeting with her she grumbled that “all stories about unwed mothers are the same these days.”
Unwed mothers are invited to various discussions in the National Assembly and academic forums, but she feels uncomfortable about this. She thinks that if there was no low birth rate issue (1.15 as of 2009), there wouldn’t be this much attention on unwed mothers.
”I ask everyone when I do education for civil servants what comes to their mind first when they hear the word “unwed mothers.” Their answers are mostly “young” or “immoral.”
Ms. Choi stressed that unwed mothers are not young. When you look at the unwed mother status (refer to <data 1>), teenage unwed mothers account for 31%, mothers in their 20s account for 53% and mothers in their 30s account for 16% as of 2008. When you look at their education background, high school graduates and university graduates account for 82%.
<Data 1. Change in Age of Unwed Mothers>
<unit: %>
|
Year |
Choosing adoption |
Child rearing by unwed mother themselves |
Child rearing by others |
Total |
|
2005 |
68 |
17.2 |
14.8 |
100 |
|
2006 |
60.9 |
21.4 |
17.7 |
100 |
|
2007 |
55.4 |
29.3 |
15.3 |
100 |
|
2008 |
58.3 |
29.3 |
12.4 |
100 |
|
2009 |
55.2 |
28.9 |
15.9 |
100 |
▲ Age of unwed mothers 『research on the integration of unwed parents in society』
ⓒ Korea Women’s Development Institute, 2009, p.39 age of unwed mothers
<Data 2. Change in Educational Background of Unwed Mothers>
<unit: %>
|
Year |
middle school graduation and under |
High school graduation |
University graduation and higher |
Total |
|
1980s |
46 |
48 |
6 |
100 |
|
1990s |
25 |
66.1 |
8.8 |
100 |
|
2000s |
15.1 |
65.7 |
19.2 |
100 |
|
2008 |
18 |
62.9 |
19.1 |
100 |
▲ Educational background of unwed mothers ⓒ Korea Women’s Development Institute, 2009
<Data 3. Change in unwed mothers choosing rearing a child for the past 5 years
<unit: %>
|
Year |
10s |
20s |
More than 30s |
Total |
|
1980s |
24.9 |
73.2 |
1.9 |
100 |
|
1990s |
52.7 |
43.6 |
3.6 |
100 |
|
2000s |
53.5 |
43.6 |
2.8 |
100 |
|
2008 |
30.6 |
31.8 (20-24) 20.9 (25-29) |
16.7 |
100 |
ⓒ Ministry of Gender Equality, 2010 Current State of Unwed Mothers Raising a Child
The data shows that unwed mothers don’t usually become a mother due to ignorance about sex, pregnancy or life, as people say easily, Ms Choi added. Like she said, recently the educational level of unwed mothers increased and the proportion of unwed mothers raising a child on their own increased (refer to data 2, and 3>).
Do unwed mothers select to send their babies for adoption “on their own”?
The social conditions and prejudice against unwed mothers have not changed significantly.
However, Hyung-Sook, Choi decided to raise her child alone. What was her life like as an unwed mother? Why did she become involved in the KUMFA association? Here is what she said: “I had known him (the father of her son) for 2 years and we became a couple in the third year. He was elite, a graduate school graduate. He thought that he was the best and I had to meet his requirements. My mistake was not acceptable to him. I decided to break up with him due to differences but found that I became pregnant.”
She was worried a lot at that time and at a crossroads between abortion and adoption. Close friends encouraged her to have an abortion saying that the baby will ruin not only her life but also her exboyfriend’s. After giving birth to a baby, her brother insisted on adoption.
She had many thoughts after having a baby and with the recommendation from her brother, she sent her baby to an adoption agency. She changed her mind, though, and went to the agency to bring the baby back to her home. However, it was not that easy because she had already filled out the adoption agreement form and note to give up her baby.
She cried, so the staff of the agency said she could come back a week later when the person in charge of the matter was back from a leave. Although, the longer a mother is separated from her baby, the more one sends her baby for adoption, Ms. Choi managed to bring her baby back after a week.
In fact, an adoption agency is not a not-for-profit organization. It charges 2.1 million won (including government support) for domestic adoption and 20 to 30 million won for overseas adoption. In addition, they sometimes receive support from the parents who adopted a child. She said that it is common for unwed mothers to send their baby for adoption just because the baby was born out of the legal marriage system and people around her (friends, family and society) force her to give up her baby. “Did unwed mothers make the decision to give up their babies on their own?” she asked and I was confused. This was something that I have never thought of.
"She is an unwed mother"... Bullied by colleagues at work, disappeared for a month
After bringing her baby back, her difficulties did not end. Instead it was the start of a problem at work.
“I worked in the beauty industry from my senior years in College as temporary work. As I worked I was recognized as a good hair designer and I could work until pregnancy into 7 months. After giving birth to a child, I could go back to work as a contract worker due to consideration of the head of the beauty shop. She understood my situation at that time so she gave me extra money for child care. After a year she took over the shop and I moved to another shop with a better condition. However, I could not work there after a week.”
A customer of the former shop made a rumor of her status as an unwed mother to the customers at the new shop. While they were chatting over her, she ignored them but after 5 days, her colleagues directly asked her about her status. She quit the job and went to a remote village in Gapyung, Gyeonggi-do with her baby. She spent a month there and with the help of close friends put herself back together.
"I just decided to take care of my own child. Why should I be treated like this?"
After quitting her job and moving, another incident happened that inspired her to start working for the association.
"Two years ago, my baby had an operation for cancer. There was cancer in the large intestine so I had to sign the agreement for the operation at the hospital. I had second grade medical insurance which government covers some degree of medical expenses. However, the hospital asked if another person could guarantee the payment of the operation. I thought they might think that I could not afford to pay for the fee because I was a single mother. I said that it does not make sense. Then they asked me to bring my insurance certificate. I was very angry and ashamed. Even worse, I had to go to a special window for “the social minorities.” Standing at that window being stigmatized by that sign, I thought that this society is not the place where I and my son can live well. I need to change the world for my son. After the incident in the hospital, I began activities in this association.”
Ms. Choi started working for the association with the representative of the Korea Unwed Mothers
Family Association who gave birth to a baby at the same maternity home, Aeranwon.
Hope comes with a change of attitude of civil servants after education
When an unwed mother decides to raise her baby on her own, they first go to the district office to apply for basic life support because the support can be provided after 6 months of pregnancy to 6 months after birth, if their income does not meet the minimum cost of living. Even though there is a government guideline, the social workers at the district office are very strict at examining whether the person qualifies for the support or not, sometimes being very rude.
The members of the association think those attitudes should be corrected and they could have the chance to provide education in 16 cities and provinces with the cooperation of the Ministry of
Gender Equality.
"When I arrived to provide education, most civil servants who guided us to the education place was male. While we were talking together, they said that they didn’t know the reality of unwed mothers.”
The effect of education was huge. There are calls from association members saying that the atmosphere or attitude of civil servants has changed. Encouraged by the feedback, Ms. Choi is planning to expand the education opportunity to students, teachers, and school employees.
Ms. Choi quit her beauty shop and dedicates herself to activities for the association. She plans to start study on social welfare. After giving birth, she has not kept in touch with her family, but recently she contacted her parents, and her brother wants to support the fee for her study.
Ms. Choi said that she has to give more attention to her son because he goes to school next year. She is a mother we can identify in our daily lives. Why do we differentiate them by calling them “unwed mothers”?
After the interview she stood up saying that she needs to buy some hamburgers for her staff. I thought that it is time to look at unwed mothers as they are. They are parents, colleagues and citizen of our society, not those who are pitiful.
Reporter, Young-Sook Kim
We appreciate Corrisa St. Laurent, a volunteer of KUMSN, for proof reading this article.
